Life in Death

In the weeks since my baptism and freedom of fully and completely giving my life to Christ, I have been on this journey. A journey to let go of my life and embrace the freedom that God gives us when we follow Him. 

Now you might say, "Michelle, we get this. You said as much in your last post." Yes, you're right I did. But I've recently started reading a book. And by recently I mean today. This book is about feeling restless in our lives and realizing where he stands in our relationship with him. I'm two and a half chapters in and it's already challenging me to do better. 

I'm talking about death. Not in the full literal, heart stops beating sense. I'm talking about how we need to die to ourselves if we ever want to experience life and growth. 

In John 12, there's a quote from Jesus that I'm sure you've heard in many sermons and Sunday school classes. Verse 24 and 25 say this - "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." 

Now, I don't know if you understand much about how seeds work, but say you take some wheat. It has to go through life and death before life can spring forth again and bear new fruit. Jennie Allen says it better than I would ever be able to. In Restless: Because You Were Made for More, she puts it like this, "A seed comes from the living flesh of a fruit. But it will never be more than a hard nuisance that gets stuck in our teeth, unless it is buried in the ground. And even then, in the dark, it is encased with a thick shell— dead and hard. But under the dirt, at some point, flesh is birthed out of something lifeless. It breaks through and pushes to the surface; it moves and grows, running up and out of something that was dead. Now it’s alive— now it brings life."

Ok, so maybe this is old news to you and you've got it all figured out. Good for you. I encourage you to never forget that God asks for us to surrender each and everyday to Him. For someone like me who has an independent streak as long as the Great Wall, it's hard. I don't like doing what other people tell me to do. My family can attest to this. Sometimes I do the opposite of what they suggest just because I'd much rather do my own thing. And let me tell you, this is hard to overcome even in my walk with God.  I'm scared that God is going to ask me to do something that I absolutely do not want to do. I'm scared that he is going to take things and people from my life because in the end it is not what he has planned for my life. But that's the beauty of it. Since his plan is ultimately better than anything we could ask or imagine, there is nothing to be afraid of. When we rest in the comfort if his embrace and dreams he will take care of us, if we just die to ourselves and let him fill us again with his life and breath. 

When we live a life with abandon, we live asking God to have his way. We allow him to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. In the end, it will be more rewarding than the plans and dreams and goals we had for ourselves. 

Somethin' in the water.

Baptism. Whoo. What fun times. I cannot express enough the joy I felt in celebrating the work God has been doing in my life! I'm about to get real with you right now, so hold on if ya can. 

This story starts about 16 years ago in the long days of a 5 year old girl. This little girl loved her grandma so much a drank in the stories she told of this Jesus character that seemed pretty cool. In her five year old wisdom, she decided she wanted to hang out with this cool cat who came to save her from awful terrible things. 

Fast forward about ten years. That little girl isn't so little anymore and she's gotten in to the "real life" of high school. Needless to say, it sucked. Life wasn't peachy and she started to wonder about this whole God thing. Was it real? Why didn't He seem close like so many people talked about? By and by, the opportunity came to go hang out with about 50,000 family members. Boy. Was that ever an experience. In those moments God worked His way down deep into that not so little girl's heart and settled in for the long haul. 

However, that little girl was independent to a fault and pride and the need for control kept her from handing over the reins to the one who promises to give us the best. So there she was, fully commited to God but not fully willing to say "Ok, God. You can have all of me."

Fast forward again to the end of high school and beginning of college. She was excited! God had shown her amazing things through her youth group and she was ready to take on the world...only she didn't realize that it took more than just going to the right groups like she had been doing. She had to fully dig in and work at the growth on her own. Needless to say, she didn't quite conquer that part of life. 

By the grace of God the story does not end there. God continued to work on the little girl's heart to let go and let Him take control of her life and make it the most beautiful it could be. If only she would be willing to humble herself and pronounce His glory. 

And once she did, wow. The freedom. Freedom from the pride. Freedom from the worry. Freedom from the lies of the evil one saying that it was shameful to wait that long and it was best to keep quiet and keep living life. 

Let me tell you, friends. The life since that day and forward are not easy. Everyday is work and everyday I need to remind myself that He is good and He's got my back and all I need to do is dig in and lean into His word and love. 

So there it is. His work in my life in a nutshell. It's taken a while for this to come about because I wanted to let the words be real, but it was important to finish because God's story doesn't end here and it all needs to be shouted from the mountaintop! But seeing as I live in the flattest state, that's not a real likely possibility. 

Rest in His peace friends. 

Living in the desert.

I'm discovering that I am so much like the Israelites of the Old Testament. For a bit of time they would walk with The Lord and follow his commands, but would then turn from him and begin to worship other gods and forget all that he had done for them. 

Read Psalm 106. It's powerful. It's quickly covers the tale of the Israelites after their time in Egypt while they were in the desert. Many times, especially in my life at the moment, we can be like the Israelites in the desert. Times are hard, so we call out to God and he answers us. And for a while things are good. And then other things start to pull at us and turn our attention away from God and our lives may start to fall apart to some extent. That's when we call out to God again. 

This is what I'm calling "living in the desert". If we want to start living the life that God wants and demands us to live we have to make the trek out of the desert. It's not easy. The Israelites didn't figure it out once they made it to the promised land either, but we still need to go. God's promises to us are far greater than we could ever imagine. We just have to embrace his son in our lives and stop living in the desert. He has already done much more than we could realize even at our furthest point. And we can't enjoy a deeper relationship with Jesus until we realize this and make the journey into the promised land. 

Summers of grace.

Coming to my last week here this summer, I've really been thinking about how absolutely blessed I have been to have been able to spend the past two summers here in Nebraska. They have been some of the fastest and most gratifying months of my life and I want to tell you why. 

Reason #1. The kids. These kids are great. Yes, even in their messed up lives. I can't tell you just how much each and every one of them has carved out a piece of my heart. They are really something special. Last year I came into this job knowing that I might have some sort of an impact on their lives, but it amazes me just as much how they have changed mine as well. Not in a bad way, promise. Part of me wants to stay in these kids lies forever..which I know isn't possible. 

Reason #2. The dependence. As amazing as this job has been it is also incredibly mentally and emotionally taxing. I don't think I have ever gotten to such a low on regards to stamina. I've been waking up every morning praying that God would give me the energy and mental strength to get through the day ahead of me. Those were the days that were the best for me because it was all because of Him. Nothing I could have done would have made any sort of a difference in that. 

Reason #3. The relationships. The staff here are amazing. Hands down. I would call on them for anything because I know they would be there. There is that underlying understanding between all of us because we have all been there. Something about Grace grows us together because we know we have to rely on each other and trust each other to be there. Each and every one of them is such a warrior for Christ and I love it. It is encouraging for myself to work with such solid people. Being here has given me lifelong friends who I am so thankful to know personally. 

Sow seeds. Sow love.

I found this verse in 1 Corinthians. I'm sure I have read it numerous times before but never really grasped it, or had a reason to apply it to my life...possibly to my own fault. Anyway, it reads like this in chapter 15, verse 58, "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of The Lord, knowing that in The Lord your labor is not in vain." 

There are days when we are doing work for the good of the Kingdom, but it doesn't seem like anything is coming of it. I know. I've been there. I'm there now. When you work with kids who don't want to be here and don't want to have anything to do with the Good News that you try and expose them to at every opportunity, you can get very discouraged. You may think, "why, God??" But really, seeds are being planted even if you may not think there is any fruit. Take heart, my friends!! Spread the seed an trust God to make it grow. Paul says earlier in 1 Corinthians that, "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives growth" (3:7). 

Let God do the hard work. We can't make people see and respond. God has to work in the hearts and lives of those we are working with. If we try to do it all ourselves, we will just get burnt out because it is a God-sized job. Just love people with all the love God gives you (and trust me, that is a lot). When you love people with the love of Christ, you are planting seeds for God to work with. 

This could be as much of a reminder for you as it is for me. I'm a control freak. Yep, I said it. I am. I like having control of my life and the things around me. I'm not necessarily proud of that, but it's something I've come to realize and something I have to work on so I can let God do what He needs to do. 

Look into your own life. Where do you need to sow the seeds and where do you just need to let God do what He does best? It's not easy, but it is so worth it. 

Who you are meant to be.

Working at a group home gives some interesting perspective on life. There are the highs and lows and ins and outs and you can never be quite sure what to expect from any of them. But there is one thing that is always a constant: brokenness. Broken homes, broken lives, broken bodies. You name it, it's probably been broken somewhere along the lines for these kids. They need the love of God in their lives, and yet they are hesitant to take that step and let God work wonders in their life.

Though we may not be that hesitant in our own lives, I think we still struggle to let God work fully in our lives. He has so much more planned for our lives, more than we could ever think or imagine if we only just let him work in our lives. Dr. Larry Crabb said it beautifully in 66 Love Letters. "I have found a way to supply the power you lack, the power you need, to become the person you most long to be, the person you most truly are, the person I alone can make you: a worshipper of Me in any circumstance; a lover like My Son who desired forgiveness for His murderers; a dancer who hears heaven's music on earth and moves freely in rhythm with My Spirit in a worshipping, loving, dancing community of friends who feel indebted to reveal My Son to the world by the way they relate and through the creative expression of whatever gifts they possess and opportunities they find." This excerpt is written as a dialogue from God to us, and I fell in love with it the first time I read it. It tries to sum up the entire message that the book of Romans is trying to say. He goes on to talk about how we can get caught up in the doctrines and traditions of religion and focus on knowing the facts instead of letting the facts fill us up and change us from the inside. We can't possibly become the people God meant for us to be if we don't let him in to change us. His truth can't be something that we just observe and take notes on, it has to be something we experience. The experience is what causes us to grow and reach that full potential that God has planned for us.

We are God's beautiful creations. He tells us so in Psalms 139 and we can't try to limit His power by telling Him we can't possibly be something that He created us for. If we try, we are about as useful as the dry bones in Ezekiel. It's time to embrace what He can do for us and let something amazing happen in our lives. You might be amazed at the peace and contentment you feel when you are living your life to its fullest potential.

My chains are gone. But are they really?

God has recently set a fire in my heart for the people who are trapped in modern day slavery. I don't know how many people actually know what a problem slavery is in today's society. Around the world, there are 27 MILLION men, women, and children being forced to do things every day that we can't imagine for ourselves. Every day, evil people are exploiting these people's lives. Such that, they can no longer live a normal life. They face death in the far every day and we don't reach out to them in an effort to alleviate their suffering.

I was thinking today that our "first world" societies are much like the Capitol in the "Hunger Games." Our products and services come from people who are forced to provide such for nothing. Thy don't get to see the fruits of their labor and we are oblivious to their pain, much the the citizens of the Capitol were. We take without thinking about where these things come from. All of these people are calling for freedom. And all of us have the ability to make a difference in some way. Our God is the God of immeasurably more, don't limit the work He would be able to do through you.

I encourage you to go to slaveryfootprint.org and find out how many slaves you have working for you. It won't be pleasant but the only way to start the transformation and give freedom to the lives of the oppressed is to understand how much you support the slave industry without realizing it. I need to give you a fair warning though, once you understand and see there will be no going back.

Even if you can't do anything you can go to enditmovement.com and sign the pledge to spread the word and encourage 10 of your friends to do the same thing.

God has given us love and freedom and we shouldn't keep it for ourselves. Once we became His, we were no longer our own. His breath is in us and we need to share the awesome life He has given us. I challenge you to let God work in and change your life and for you to not be afraid of the direction He gives you, no matter which direction it may take you. God has done amazing things for me and I want Him to do the same thing for you.