Update: His provisions are astounding...

As I sit here writing this update for my upcoming trip to Cambodia, I can't help but be amazed by how he provides, and honestly this post is long overdue. Like months overdue. I've struggled to find the right words to put my emotions about what has been happening into words, and, well, they always say necessity is the mother of invention, or rather in this case words.

I was completely, totally, entirely, 100% funded for my trip, months before I take off. (Pardon the redundancy. I'm just pretty stoked about the situation.)

And really, I should say I'm about 150% funded for my trip. Which is in itself amazing because everything I don't need goes to support the incredible work of Rapha House in Cambodia.

Now I stand on the precipice of taking off. My first flight takes off tomorrow morning for LAX where I will meet up with the 16 other members of my group. We spend the night in LA and take off the next morning (and due to the international date line, pretty much skip the 4th entirely, sadly).

In the days leading up to this trip, I have felt incredibly excited and anxious. And it has kept growing. I can't imagine what tomorrow is going to hold as I finally get to take off. I can tell you that I'm not sure I would have been able to stay sane without my Rock. He's got me covered so I don't have to worry and that has helped, at least a little bit.

While we are there we will be spending a couple days with the girls at Rapha house, encouraging and showing God's love to them and the staff. On the other days, we will be helping at Kid's Club. In some ways, it's a little like VBS here. So imagine a lot of kids, a lot of Jesus, and a lot of fun. Throughout it all, we will be learning about Cambodia. Getting to know the people and the culture. It's exciting to me. I fully believe that we have to get out of our own bubble to fully understand how to relate. We get to know the other side.

So here I am. About to embark on an incredible journey, fully prepared to be changed by God forever.

If you would like to keep updated on what's happening, there will be periodic updates here: http://www.ciy.com/engage/theworld/updates. Just scroll to the bottom and look for Cambodia #3 and the dates that are in July.

If you're reading this, keep us in your prayers. Pray for safety, smooth traveling, and for God to move in incredible ways in our lives and in the lives of those we come in contact with.

Greater is the one in us...

I was reminded recently of our desperate need for God. Not just for salvation, but also in the fact that we can literally not do anything without him. If you think about it for a moment, it makes sense. He gives us life and breath every day. He gives us the strength we need to make it through every day.

In life, many people strive for greatness. It's a huge part of the American dream. Do something great so you can be great. It is so focused on personal gain that, frankly, it's exhausting. Really. Do you know what it takes to be great today? Save a life. Run a company. Start a life changing mission. Et cetera, et cetera. I'm kind of overwhelmed just thinking about it. Seriously though. I'm currently training for a half-marathon. The energy it takes for that alone is simply amazing. Yea, this is slightly different, but you get my point. I CAN'T do it without him. And I would never want to.

And want to know something awesome? God never told us to walk this alone. And really. Anything that we do with God at our side will be great because God is great. Did you get that? GOD. IS. GREAT. And when he is in us and we allow him to totally have our hearts and lives, great things will happen for his kingdom, even if we don't get to see the fruits of our labor. We have absolutely nothing to do with it except allow ourselves to become a vessel for his will.

Philippians 2:12-13 says this, "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." (Emphasis added.)

Ephesians 3:20-21. "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

It's along the same lines as being the light set on the hill to shine his light over all the nation. (Matthew 5:14-16) His light in us and his work in us is what people will see and will ultimately change the most hearts and lives.

Do you get it? Striving for greatness, or even adequacy, on your own will exhaust you. We were not created to do that. There's a reason Paul tells us to put on the full armor of God and to be strong in the strength of his might.

As I sit here praying for God to prepare my heart for my upcoming trip to Cambodia, I am reminded of this. In the darkness that surrounds the lives of those who have been rescued from sex trafficking, I pray that God shines brightly through me. Because I know I will do a poor job of it myself. The beauty of this, though, is that he can be ever more glorified in this weakness. If I only accomplish one thing in my time there, I want it to be that his name is lifted higher and higher.

But you know what's even better? I know it can happen. Because he is greater. He is greater than all my insecurities. He is greater than all my fears. He is greater than any darkness this world has to offer.

A few verses after that Philippians verse, Paul calls for us to work without grumbling or questioning so we can shine as lights in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation. And, Beloved, we lived in a twisted generation. Can we solve the world's issues? No. But we can shine God's love wherever we go.

So, I guess that's what I wanted to say. Seek God first. Walk humbly in his plan. Great things may come for his kingdom, but it won't happen under your own power. In that, I ask that you continually pray for me in this time. Letting go of control in this trip is hard and I have to consistently give the reins back to God. It's a struggle and I can't do it without your continued prayers. As I begin the fundraising process, this will become more and more apparent. Also, continue to pray that God keeps my heart in the right place. I never want this to become about me or my fellow trip members. Lives are too precious for that to happen.

He called me to the great unknown..

I am really excited for what God is doing in my life in the here and now. For those of you who don't know, he has given me a passion for those who have been victimized in the sex industry and may be trapped in their current situation or not see any way out.

You see, human trafficking is thriving. You may not see it just put in front of you, but just take a closer look and you will see. We aren't even immune to it here in the heart of the US. It is estimated that 27 million people are exploited everyday to serve the needs of others, this isn't just in the sex industry either.

We all know this isn't right. It may pull at the heart strings for you a little. Though it may not be your passion, it is mine. And now I have the opportunity to do something about it.

Come July, I will be traveling to Cambodia with a group from CIY to partner with Rapha House, and organization that provides a safe place for girls who have been subject to a atrocities of the sex industry.

This trip will give me the opportunity to see firsthand the ministry and to partner with them for two weeks helping the long term workers and pouring love into the lives of those girls.

As a child of God who has been forgiven and is truly free in him, I have a call to serve. As it says in Galatians 5:13, "For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."

God has called us to serve in love, so I am going to Cambodia. And I am asking you to partner with me in prayer. Pray for me now as I raise funds to make the trip. Pray that God will prepare my heart for what I will see and experience. Pray for the others who are going that they will also be prepared for this journey. And then in July, pray that our work will leave a lasting impact for God's kingdom. 

...for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. Song of Solomon 2:11-12

Life in Death

In the weeks since my baptism and freedom of fully and completely giving my life to Christ, I have been on this journey. A journey to let go of my life and embrace the freedom that God gives us when we follow Him. 

Now you might say, "Michelle, we get this. You said as much in your last post." Yes, you're right I did. But I've recently started reading a book. And by recently I mean today. This book is about feeling restless in our lives and realizing where he stands in our relationship with him. I'm two and a half chapters in and it's already challenging me to do better. 

I'm talking about death. Not in the full literal, heart stops beating sense. I'm talking about how we need to die to ourselves if we ever want to experience life and growth. 

In John 12, there's a quote from Jesus that I'm sure you've heard in many sermons and Sunday school classes. Verse 24 and 25 say this - "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." 

Now, I don't know if you understand much about how seeds work, but say you take some wheat. It has to go through life and death before life can spring forth again and bear new fruit. Jennie Allen says it better than I would ever be able to. In Restless: Because You Were Made for More, she puts it like this, "A seed comes from the living flesh of a fruit. But it will never be more than a hard nuisance that gets stuck in our teeth, unless it is buried in the ground. And even then, in the dark, it is encased with a thick shell— dead and hard. But under the dirt, at some point, flesh is birthed out of something lifeless. It breaks through and pushes to the surface; it moves and grows, running up and out of something that was dead. Now it’s alive— now it brings life."

Ok, so maybe this is old news to you and you've got it all figured out. Good for you. I encourage you to never forget that God asks for us to surrender each and everyday to Him. For someone like me who has an independent streak as long as the Great Wall, it's hard. I don't like doing what other people tell me to do. My family can attest to this. Sometimes I do the opposite of what they suggest just because I'd much rather do my own thing. And let me tell you, this is hard to overcome even in my walk with God.  I'm scared that God is going to ask me to do something that I absolutely do not want to do. I'm scared that he is going to take things and people from my life because in the end it is not what he has planned for my life. But that's the beauty of it. Since his plan is ultimately better than anything we could ask or imagine, there is nothing to be afraid of. When we rest in the comfort if his embrace and dreams he will take care of us, if we just die to ourselves and let him fill us again with his life and breath. 

When we live a life with abandon, we live asking God to have his way. We allow him to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. In the end, it will be more rewarding than the plans and dreams and goals we had for ourselves. 

Somethin' in the water.

Baptism. Whoo. What fun times. I cannot express enough the joy I felt in celebrating the work God has been doing in my life! I'm about to get real with you right now, so hold on if ya can. 

This story starts about 16 years ago in the long days of a 5 year old girl. This little girl loved her grandma so much a drank in the stories she told of this Jesus character that seemed pretty cool. In her five year old wisdom, she decided she wanted to hang out with this cool cat who came to save her from awful terrible things. 

Fast forward about ten years. That little girl isn't so little anymore and she's gotten in to the "real life" of high school. Needless to say, it sucked. Life wasn't peachy and she started to wonder about this whole God thing. Was it real? Why didn't He seem close like so many people talked about? By and by, the opportunity came to go hang out with about 50,000 family members. Boy. Was that ever an experience. In those moments God worked His way down deep into that not so little girl's heart and settled in for the long haul. 

However, that little girl was independent to a fault and pride and the need for control kept her from handing over the reins to the one who promises to give us the best. So there she was, fully commited to God but not fully willing to say "Ok, God. You can have all of me."

Fast forward again to the end of high school and beginning of college. She was excited! God had shown her amazing things through her youth group and she was ready to take on the world...only she didn't realize that it took more than just going to the right groups like she had been doing. She had to fully dig in and work at the growth on her own. Needless to say, she didn't quite conquer that part of life. 

By the grace of God the story does not end there. God continued to work on the little girl's heart to let go and let Him take control of her life and make it the most beautiful it could be. If only she would be willing to humble herself and pronounce His glory. 

And once she did, wow. The freedom. Freedom from the pride. Freedom from the worry. Freedom from the lies of the evil one saying that it was shameful to wait that long and it was best to keep quiet and keep living life. 

Let me tell you, friends. The life since that day and forward are not easy. Everyday is work and everyday I need to remind myself that He is good and He's got my back and all I need to do is dig in and lean into His word and love. 

So there it is. His work in my life in a nutshell. It's taken a while for this to come about because I wanted to let the words be real, but it was important to finish because God's story doesn't end here and it all needs to be shouted from the mountaintop! But seeing as I live in the flattest state, that's not a real likely possibility. 

Rest in His peace friends. 

Living in the desert.

I'm discovering that I am so much like the Israelites of the Old Testament. For a bit of time they would walk with The Lord and follow his commands, but would then turn from him and begin to worship other gods and forget all that he had done for them. 

Read Psalm 106. It's powerful. It's quickly covers the tale of the Israelites after their time in Egypt while they were in the desert. Many times, especially in my life at the moment, we can be like the Israelites in the desert. Times are hard, so we call out to God and he answers us. And for a while things are good. And then other things start to pull at us and turn our attention away from God and our lives may start to fall apart to some extent. That's when we call out to God again. 

This is what I'm calling "living in the desert". If we want to start living the life that God wants and demands us to live we have to make the trek out of the desert. It's not easy. The Israelites didn't figure it out once they made it to the promised land either, but we still need to go. God's promises to us are far greater than we could ever imagine. We just have to embrace his son in our lives and stop living in the desert. He has already done much more than we could realize even at our furthest point. And we can't enjoy a deeper relationship with Jesus until we realize this and make the journey into the promised land. 

Summers of grace.

Coming to my last week here this summer, I've really been thinking about how absolutely blessed I have been to have been able to spend the past two summers here in Nebraska. They have been some of the fastest and most gratifying months of my life and I want to tell you why. 

Reason #1. The kids. These kids are great. Yes, even in their messed up lives. I can't tell you just how much each and every one of them has carved out a piece of my heart. They are really something special. Last year I came into this job knowing that I might have some sort of an impact on their lives, but it amazes me just as much how they have changed mine as well. Not in a bad way, promise. Part of me wants to stay in these kids lies forever..which I know isn't possible. 

Reason #2. The dependence. As amazing as this job has been it is also incredibly mentally and emotionally taxing. I don't think I have ever gotten to such a low on regards to stamina. I've been waking up every morning praying that God would give me the energy and mental strength to get through the day ahead of me. Those were the days that were the best for me because it was all because of Him. Nothing I could have done would have made any sort of a difference in that. 

Reason #3. The relationships. The staff here are amazing. Hands down. I would call on them for anything because I know they would be there. There is that underlying understanding between all of us because we have all been there. Something about Grace grows us together because we know we have to rely on each other and trust each other to be there. Each and every one of them is such a warrior for Christ and I love it. It is encouraging for myself to work with such solid people. Being here has given me lifelong friends who I am so thankful to know personally.